brownies so good they’ll make your friends puke.

1 Aug

i need to preface this entry with the following statement: i probably should not post this recipe.   for starters, a friend spit the brownie out in to the garbage.  more shockingly, this is a new, tentative friend.  who hawks a new, tentative friend’s brownie in to the garbage!?  this kid is lucky i find him oddly entertaining, or else i would have kicked him in the shins for disrespectin’.

usually, these brownies are great.  but this particular time… i might have gotten a little crazy.  when i am sad or upset, i bake.  specifically, i bake brownies.  even more specifically, i bake this particular vegan brownie recipe.  it is a little crumbly at times, a little sticky to the bottomy at others, and you generally have to use a spoon to dig it out… but when you are having a life crisis, these are mere trivialities.  all you want is a hunk of chocolatey bakedness in your mouth and stomach, and you want it that second.  who cares what utensils make that possible.

this particular evening i was overcome with the crazytown feelings.  i started chucking god-only-knows into my brownie mix bowl.  there was a lot of “hell, this might work.  if not, who cares!  i will fight those who care!!”  (although, apparently i didn’t! unless you count a flabbergasted mouth agape look of shock as fighting.) i found some almond extract.. i threw that in there.  i found some vegan chocolate chips… i threw those in there.  hell to the recipe.  i was free wheelin’ it.  i think it was at the almond extract that i went horribly awry.  oh well, whatever… i ate those brownies regardless.  no tossin’ my “brownies” for me.  (har har)  maybe the reason ntf (new tentative friend) threw his brownie out was because he tasted my sorrow?  the soul and sadness i poured into those brownies were just too much for him to bear.  wimp.

what you’ll need: 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, 2 cups white sugar, 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup water, 1 cup vegetable oil, 1 tsp vanilla extract

(now to make this extra crazy version: 1 tsp (uh.. i think… i was flailing a bit) almond extract, a bunch of chocolate chips (maybe half the bag?  more distraught dumping), a heap a pish-poshing and careless disregard for your kitchen counters/table)

1.  preheat oven to 350 degrees f.

2. in a large bowl, dump in some flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt… then stir it up.

careless dumpage.

heedless stirring.

3. pour in water, oil, and vanilla. mix until well-blended.

4. wail a bit about the state of affairs in your life.  now get crazy.

aha! the almond extract.  vessel of crazy, and beacon of puke.

dump some of that in there. 

5. now get even more crazy… throw in some chocolate chips.  (make sure they are vegan, this is a vegan recipe after all. we don’t want to get tooooo crazy.)

wail a bit about how if these chocolate chips were m&ms, they would not have melted in your hand just now.

6. spread evenly in a 9×13 baking pan.  more wailage… only have two 8×8 baking pans… this will have to suffice.

7. bake for 25-30 minutes until the top is no longer shiny.  let cool for at least 10  minutes before cutting into squares (or scooping with a spoon?).

they really are incredibly easy to bake.  just don’t put almond extract in there… bad decision on my part.  i’ve used mint extract before and it was really yummy.  i feel like i need other vegan brownie recipes though.  so, calling all vegan brownie recipes!  if you have a good one, please let me know!  i’ll try to reign in the crazy. promise.

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7 Responses to “brownies so good they’ll make your friends puke.”

  1. Lindsey August 1, 2008 at 12:59 pm #

    I’m not going to lie, I flinched when I read about you putting almond extract into the brownies…I might have spit them out, but at least would have left the room first.

  2. ABH August 1, 2008 at 1:04 pm #

    oh yeh. it was a bad, bad idea. hahaha. but sometimes you need to create something puke worthy… if only you had sampled the bisquik cookie disaster of 07′. if possible… worse.

    although the random drunk dude who somehow was let into our home loooooved almond extract doom brownies.

  3. Sara August 1, 2008 at 1:28 pm #

    I don’t think it was the almond extract. I frequently use almond extract in various baked goods – including my vegan brownies, and I get requests for my brownies from vegans and omni’s alike! I do, however, think it was the Tropical Source vegan chocolate chips. I’ve used them before and the goodies weren’t all that goodie…They give a weird taste to the ‘chocolate’ side of a brownie… I would seek out a better vegan chocolate chip (I like the vegan chocolate chips from Whole Foods, which is unfortunate because I dislike WFs). Another option is to find a decent vegan chocolate bar (like Dagoba) and roughly chop it and toss in the chocolate chunks… I’ll have to make my brownies this weekend and post the recipe for you – it’s always a sad day when brownies go wrong!

  4. Michael August 3, 2008 at 11:09 am #

    Meh. I tasted the brownies and liked them. After they were around for a week they did, however, lose their brownie-like consistency and pick up a sort of powdery quality.

    All in all, I was a fan.

  5. Michael August 3, 2008 at 11:17 am #

    Not this batch, though. I have no idea what this batch was like. I had my first vegan brownie experience back when K had a night of roommate drama that drove her to the kitchen, where, ultimately, it was resolved.

  6. destinyskitchen August 23, 2008 at 7:13 pm #

    I’m not too good to dig at a pan of brownies with a spoon (or my hands) if need be! Thank you for the vegan recipe! I think almond extract is one of those things you either love or hate, and it’s always a good idea to use only a tiny bit of it. I don’t know why, but it’s so much stronger than other extracts. Weird.

  7. gerri November 12, 2009 at 12:31 pm #

    Almond extract is very commonly used with chocolate. It is a fantastic combination. I agree it must have been the vegan choc. chips. There is no substitute for real chocolate. sorry vegans – guess you have to miss out.

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