there is no dainty way to go about eating this one, short of freezing the bugger prior to consumption.  i dived in as soon as this came out of the oven and emerged with a nutella/chocolate moustache, nay, beard. i’ll admit it.  it was kind of cute… if you are in to the whole bearded lady thing.

that actually brings me to a not-so-brief segue that has absolutely nothing to do with baking (although i will nobly attempt to tie it in). i am a firm believer that everyone deserves to be loved…even bearded ladies.  when people look at a cute guy and say “oh wow, he’s attractive, but his girlfriend is not cute at all,” or vis versa, i think, why on earth can’t a cute person date a non-cute person without ridicule and judgement?  i mean, honestly, everyone deserves to be loved.  non-cute people should not be forced to only date non-cute people.  same goes for the cute people.  that being said, i was watching a tv program about the world’s strangest couples a couple of years ago.  the tallest man in the world was able to find his match with a quadriplegic dwarf, and my personal favorite, monkey girl, found love with the dashing alligator boy.  i guess that doesn’t really seem like appropriate examples for my whole “cute & non-cute unite” schpeal… except that alligator boy really was super cute… as long as you disregard the scales…  now for that noble attempt at bringing myself back to the true intent of this post, and more importantly, this blog: even if you eat the treat above and come out with a nutella beard, you will still be loved (or at least deserve to be).  the end.

alright, back to the baking.  i found this recipe on another food blog, and was immediately intrigued. chocolate, nutella, crumbles, and bars = all very good things.  i first became obsessed with nutella when i went to this french camp thingamajig in belgium after high school.  toast with nutella was pretty much my bread and butter… so my bread and nutella… hmm.. anyways… it was great.  it came in cute little packages, which is always a bonus. so basically, whenever there is something involving nutella, i am game. bc it’s great. honestly.  now, one of my many roommates had never (never!) tasted nutella.  mon dieu! mon coeur!  i needed to rectify this situation.  so for his birthday i baked him these chocolate hazelnut crumble bars.  it was also the day our new roommate from spain moved in, so i wanted to wow him/make him like me best right off the bat.

what you’ll need: 1/2 cup nutella, 3/4 cup chocolate chips, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup butter (softened), 3/4 cup brown sugar, 2 eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees f.  line an 8-inch square pan with wax paper long enough that it comes up across opposite sides.

2. melt the nutella and chocolate chips on a double boiler. then set aside to cool.

(i didn’t have a double boiler, so i made this make shift thing.  i pretty much just found a metal bowl and plopped it inside an appropriate sized pot, and voila!  it was a pain in the butt to remove and hold later, but we will call it a success nonetheless.)

3. in a small bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt.

4. in another bowl, beat butter with electric mixer until creamy. slowly add in sugar until smooth. add eggs one at a time then add vanilla. gradually add dry ingredients until well incorporated.

5. take 2/3 of the dough and press thinly onto bottom of the pan. pour in the chocolate/nutella mixture on top and spread evenly.  (be careful with your dough proportions. i ended up putting too much in the bottom and didn’t have enough to crumble on top.  also, the dough is not very sweet, so the unsweetness is much more apparent when biting into an inch think layer at the bottom…)

6. crumble the rest of the dough and sprinkle on top of the chocolate.  if the dough is a bit wet, add a little more flour to it.

7. bake for 20 minutes until golden brown on top. let cool for 10 minutes.

makes 16 bars. eat. enjoy. make people like you best. ”grow” a nutella ’stache.

everyone deserves a cake on their birthday.  and since this past friday was america’s special day, the barefoot contessa by way of pioneer woman flag cake seemed appropriate.  you will have to excuse the lack of photographs and step-by-step in this post… i was busy stressing out because i waited to the very last second to put this baby together.  but i felt compelled to post regardless.  i needed someone to share this patriotic triumph with.  because you see, we had a few bumps along the way…

1. i forgot to buy berries… which, as you can see, is kind of key.  so 20 minutes before people arrived, i was frantically running to the grocery. 

2. this was my very first time piping. ever.

3. this was my first successful frosting experience.  (let’s try and forget the horror that was the vegan chocolate frosting of grainy imperfection.)

but by the time i finished the decorations, the guests had already arrived, i was covered in frosting, and more than a bit of a mess.  thanks to nic for providing some photo documentation, as i was too busy drowning my residual stress in the vat of sangria i had made the moment i woke up that morning. (i guess we see where my priorities lie.)

here my visiting former roommate and i decorate the cake.  it was a process as i was attempting to be accurate in my portrayal and forgot how many red and white stripes there were supposed to be… (quick side note: my old photojo prof would probably drop kick me in the face if he knew i posted back photos.  he fights back pictures with spiderman like super powers when he isn’t molding young minds.)

for a lovely step-by-step and the recipe, check out the pioneer woman’s post, which i obsessively stalked prior to baking (not to mention pretty much every day).  the cake really did taste great.  it has sour cream in the cake and then cream cheese in the frosting.  so it was a bit of a kick in the taste buds, but in a good way.  my visitor claimed she wanted me to bake her wedding cake after tasting it… i told her as long as it could look like a flag, we would be set.

one thing i feel i should warn you of… make sure you don’t celebrate america so hard that you forget to refrigerate it overnight… the next morning my leftover cake was covered in mold.  (thank goodness we had consumed the majority of it the night before.)  i don’t know if it was the combination of all that dairy/cream cheese and the rasberries or what.  but it was wicked gross.  im pretty sure i ate some of that mold.  i’ll never be the same.

alright, so i’m a wee bit late with my june daring baker challenge post…  but i like to think that i am merely being “fashionably” late.  this past week has been crazy what with my helping m move to the big apple (how could she leave me!?  who will style my food now?!  and leave fun presents on my bed?! and looove me!?), learning dirty italian slang from j’s noni during fiesta, and catching a freakish summer cold.  but you know what darling foodies?  great things come to those who wait.  like this post.

yet again, the daring bakers manage to challenge.  granted, pretty much everything is challenging at this point in my baking career…  but still, i can’t help but feel like i skipped the whole shallow portion of the pool and jumped right into the deep end hoping by a miracle that floating back up to the top is intuitive.  most of my baking goes like this… “huh, the recipe says to do this.  well, i have no friggin clue what that means… buuut maybe if i whap this against this then swish it up a bit it will work out.” maybe i should start googling words or consult something… oh wells, not my style.  i am more of a fumble through life and hope for the best kind of girl.

this month’s challenge was hosted by kelly of sass & veracity, and ben of what’s cookin’?  we daring bakers were supposed to make a danish braid, which according to the mini history lesson kelly and ben provided was created in some capacity by either the danish or the viennese, or both, or something.  i’m not really sure.  it might just be one of life’s great mysteries.  they did a better job explaning, but i can’t make neither hide nor tail of it… i feel like all we really need to know is that it is a butter-laminated, dough-layered, yeasty twisty thing of major yum.  as far as my actually making the braid/dough, it went surprisingly well.  this actually seemed easier than last month’s opera cake challenge.  turns out i’m a big fan of kneeding things.  makes me feel strong and provincial. 

the danish dough made enough for two braids, so one went in the freezer for another time/another post update/savory attempt.  but the one for this post is made with a nutella and dark chocolate filling. there are things i would have done differently upon further reflection… but we will get to that later…

the dough:

what you’ll need:

For the dough (Detrempe) 
1 ounce fresh yeast or 1 tablespoon active dry yeast
1/2 cup whole milk
1/3 cup sugar
1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 vanilla bean, split and scraped
2 large eggs, chilled
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
3-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt

For the butter block (Beurrage)
1/2 pound (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour

1. combine yeast and milk in a bowl with a hand mixer on low speed or a whisk. 

2. add sugar, vanilla extract, vanilla bean seeds, eggs, and orange juice and mix well. 

3. sift flour and salt on your working surface and make a fountain.  make sure that the “walls” of your fountain are thick and even. 

(i feel like there is something exhilirating about sifting flour directly on to the table.  an element of danger, perhaps.  like your mom will walk in any second and catch you and send you to your room for making a mess.  hi mom!)

(so, i had no idea what “make a fountain” meant.  this is the only thing i could come up with.  im pretty dubious about this situation.)

4. pour the liquid in the middle of the fountain. 

(ahh, this seems a little too dangerous.  i can’t believe i am pouring liquid on to my table with only fluffy flour to stop its flow! don’t tell my mom!! or j’s mom since she technically is the one who donated this table.)

(still going… still freaking out…)

(my thoughts at this point were “holy crap, i can’t believe this is actually working” / “man i hope this is actually what they meant by a fountain and it doesn’t explode in two seconds”)

5. with your fingertips, mix the liquid and the flour starting from the middle of the fountain, slowly working towards the edges.  turns out something was wrong here… because at this point, the liquid exploded across the table threatening to cover everything within 4 feet including my recipe, ingredients, candles (what? i like mood lighting) and roommate’s computer.  i proceeded to shriek, which caused all my roommates to come running to my aid.  except nic, who is apparently immune to my shrieks.

6. when the ingredients have been incorporated start kneading the dough with the heel of your hands until it becomes smooth and easy to work with, around 5 to 7 minutes.  you might need to add more flour if the dough is sticky. transfer dough to a lightly floured baking sheet and cover with plastic wrap. refrigerate for 30 minutes.

the butter block

1. combine butter and flour in the bowl of a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment (does anyone actually own this?  and can you tell me what the heck it is/if it is actually necessary?) and beat on medium speed for 1 minute.  scrape down the sides of the bowl and the paddle and then beat for 1 minute more, or until smooth and lump free.  set aside at room temperature.

combine ingredients, swish it up, voila!

2. after the detrempe (fancy name for ball of dough) has chilled 30 minutes, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface.  roll the dough into a rectangle approximately 18 x 13 inches and ¼ inch thick.  the dough may be sticky, so keep dusting it lightly with flour. 

3. spread the butter evenly over the center and right thirds of the dough. 

fold the left edge of the detrempe to the right, covering half of the butter. 

fold the right third of the rectangle over the center third. 

the first turn has now been completed.  mark the dough by poking it with your finger to keep track of your turns, or use a sticky and keep a tally.  place the dough on a baking sheet, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

3. place the dough lengthwise on a floured work surface.  the open ends should be to your right and left.  roll the dough into another approximately 13 x 18 inch, ¼-inch-thick rectangle.  again, fold the left third of the rectangle over the center third and the right third over the center third.  no additional butter will be added as it is already in the dough. the second turn has now been completed.  refrigerate the dough for 30 minutes.  (my butter squished out the sides like crazy, so dont be too dismayed if the same happens to you.  it makes a gigantic mess, but is not the end of the world.)

4.    roll out, turn, and refrigerate the dough two more times, for a total of four single turns.  make sure you are keeping track of your turns!  (thank goodness for the genius who thought up the finger poke tracking system.)  refrigerate the dough after the final turn for at least 5 hours or overnight.  i sliced the dough in two at this point.  one to be refrigerated, one to be frozen.

but right now, let’s take a brief time out to check out these layers… 

…wowzah.

5 hours or more later… the danish dough is now ready to be used.  if you will not be using the dough within 24 hours, freeze it.  to do this, roll the dough out to about 1 inch in thickness, wrap tightly in plastic wrap, and freeze.  defrost the dough slowly in the refrigerator for easiest handling.  danish dough will keep in the freezer for up to 1 month.

the braid:

what you’ll need:

nutella and dark chocolate for the filling.  mega yum.

and your dough (1/2 of the original batch).. look how poofy it got overnight!

1. line a baking sheet with a silicone mat or parchment paper.  on a lightly floured  surface, roll the danish dough into a 13 x 18-inch rectangle, ¼ inch thick.  (the db recipe said to roll it to 15×20, but that seemed pretty impossible, so i shrunk down the size.) if the dough seems elastic and shrinks back when rolled, let it rest for a few minutes, then roll again.  place the dough on the baking sheet. (again, didn’t seem possible at this point because it wouldn’t fit on the pan and would thus making slicing tricky.  so i moved it on to the pan later after braiding.

2. along one long side of the pastry make parallel, 5-inch-long cuts with a knife or rolling pastry wheel, each about 1 inch apart.  repeat on the opposite side, making sure to line up the cuts with those you’ve already made.

3. add the filling, by spooning on to your braid down the center of the rectangle.  i put down nutella, and then added chocolate chips on top.  but looking back, i would have melted the two together first in a double boiler and then put that on as the filling.  when i just put the chips, they seemed to burn a little bit.

4. starting with the top and bottom “flaps”, fold the top flap down over the filling to cover.  next, fold the bottom “flap” up to cover filling.  this helps keep the braid neat and helps to hold in the filling.

5. now begin folding the cut side strips of dough over the filling, alternating first left, then right, left, right, until finished.  trim any excess dough and tuck in the ends.

be sure to tuck those ends in there. otherwise it might pop open in the oven and resemble a rib cage, which is cool in its own way.. but not really what we are going for here.

egg wash: whisk together the whole egg and yolk in a bowl and with a pastry brush, lightly coat the braid.

proofing and baking:

1. spray cooking oil (ie: pam) onto a piece of plastic wrap, and place over the braid.  proof at room temperature or, if possible, in a controlled 90 degree F environment for about 2 hours, or until doubled in volume and light to the touch. (i did it at room temp, which was probably close to 90 anyways considering my lack of ac.  woe is me.)

2. near the end of proofing, preheat oven to 400 degrees F.  position a rack in the center of the oven.

3. bake for 10 minutes, then rotate the pan so that the side of the braid previously in the back of the oven is now in the front. lower the oven temperature to 350 degrees F, and bake about 15-20 minutes more, or until golden brown.  cool and serve the braid either still warm from the oven or at room temperature.  the cooled braid can be wrapped airtight and stored in the refrigerator for up to 2 days, or freezed for 1 month.

the verdict: so good.  and i can’t begin to explain how accomplished you will feel.  i think mine was burnt a little bit, and considering that i actuall baked it for a less amount of time than stated above, have come to the conclusion that my oven runs piping hot.  the original dough recipe called for cardamom and orange zest in addition to the orange juice, but well, i’m currently on the cheap… so i opted out and just kept the orange juice from the recipe, which gave it just a bit of tang and a little extra somethin’somethin’.

i brought the danish with me to nyc, thinking that i could bribe people with it to help us move m’s stuff up to her apartment/trick her new roommates in to liking me…

what are the tester’s saying?

pw: “honestly, no words.”

ev: takes two

nic: “ah! i never got any!!”

first off, can we please take a moment of silence for the beloved tastespotting.com?  i will miss your lust-inducing food photos and witty captions.  i will miss stalking you with the same intensity and fervor of facebook.  what am i going to do now, my deceased web friend, at work everyday? work!?

(note: should my coworkers/boss read this, that’s toootally a joke.  i do nothing, nothing but work diligently all day long.)

now, push your tears aside… and, speaking of work, that brings me to my next topic.  the fauwhopper cookies you see to the left. a malty, chocolately cookie o’fun. 

it is currently summer intern season.  the old interns hit the road, and the new ones wander in.  since my coworkers have discovered that i am the one secretly leaving tupperwares full of cookies in the kitchen, they asked me to make some sort of baked good for our interns to say, “yo, welcome dudes.”  because that is how we talk here.  we like to keep it real, hang ten, and the like.

these cookies are “technically” the chocolate malted whopper drops of dorie greenspan creation.  they call for whoppers, but for some reason that escapes me entirely, my stop-and-shop does not carry them!  yes, i was forced to go with the faux store-brand whopper like chocolate malt balls.  perfectly acceptable… except it means a name change (ie: fauwhopper cookies), which may or may not actually add a little air of mystique to the cookie.

what you’ll need: 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 cup malted milk powder (like ovaltine), 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 11 tablespoons unsalted butter (room temp), 2/3 cup sugar, 2 large eggs, 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract, 1/4 cup whole milk (i used 1%), 2 cups (6 ounces) chocolate-covered malted milk balls (coarsely chopped), 1 cup chocolate chips/chunks

1. position racks into thirds and preheat oven to 350 degrees. line baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. sift together flour, malted milk powder, cocoa, baking powder, and salt.

hold.

pour.

sift.

 3. beat butter and sugar together on medium speed for about 3 minutes, or until very smooth. add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each addition.

4. beat in vanilla.  (don’t worry if it looks curdled. it will even out once the dry goods are added.)

5. reduce mixer to low speed and add half of the dry ingredients. mixing until it just disappears in the batter.

5. mix in milk.

 …then remaining dry ingredients.  mix only until incorporated. batter will look more like fudgy frosting than cookie dough.  but no worries my dears!

(quick timeout: make sure you keep your handy dishwasher around.  clean as ya go, that’s my motto. by which i mean, that’s what my mom pounded in to my head growing up. nic here thinks she is posing for photos and sampling batter, when in reality she is giving that mixer a good ole spit cleaning. i’m incredibly devious.)

6. alright, forget that sidetrack.  i am a sidetrack queen.  time to mix in the malted milk balls (fauwhoopers!) and chopped chocolate.

but of course you can’t forget the actual chopping!

alright, now that that is settled, we can do the mixing. phew.

7. drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto sheets.

leave about 2 inches between each. bake 11 to 13 minutes and rotate from top to bottom, front to back after 6 minutes.  when done, cookies will be puffed and set,  but slightly soft to the touch.  let the cookies rest for 2 minutes, then transfer to cooling racks.

(fab guest shot  from miss nic!)

now, this is very hush hush.  but i feel compelled to share.  i just wouldn’t feel right if i didn’t.  i have a secret ingredient that i add to all of my baked goods.  don’t tell anyone.  only a select few (anyone with internet access) is deigned worthy of the privilege of learning my tricks… my secret ingredient?

MAGIC! alakazaam!  here nic demonstrates the proper top secret voodoo dance used to enhance my baked treats.

if that isn’t as effective as necessary…

there is always “encouragement” given through taunting, jeering, and all around belittling.  it works in the locker room, it works in the kitchen.  “you call yourself a COOKIE?! you are BISCOTTI!! puff up and act like a cookie!!”

the verdict?

the photo speaks for itself.  glorious malted cookie joy.

also, just an fyi, they tasted best right out of the oven.  so definitely sample asap!

mmmmm cookie!

(boo bad nail polish job.)

today’s post is a bit of a change of pace.  rather than bake, i “unbaked.”  raw food seems to be incredibly hip and trendy as of late.  and seeing as how i like to pretend that i am also hip and trendy, i decided it was high time i jumped on the bandwagon.  j’s mom is pretty much the raw master (mistress?) and agreed to help me out with this little project.  so j and i hopped in the car and took a ride to marblehead (seriously adorable town on the mass coast), to meet up with her mom and simba (seriously adorable pooch on the mass coast).

for those of you not in the know, the raw food movement basically involves the consumption of uncooked, unprocessed foods.  apparently by leaving your food “raw” it keeps a lot of important enzymes around, which would otherwise be killed off.  assuming you can kill an enzyme, which, for the purpose of this post, you can.  some raw foodists say that eating this way helps with weight loss and healing/preventing different sicknesses/chronic diseases. (more info…)

so for today’s raw treat, the j fam and i made a cacao nib pecan pie with a cashew, coconut crust.  serious yum folks.  it was a lot of fun and really easy to make.  it was a little touch and go as j and i fought over the proper way to pronounce pecan.  i still maintain that it is pee-con, not pee-can.  crazy new englanders and their pee-cans.  not to be confused with a toilet, which just popped into my brain, and i felt compelled to relay to the blogging community. despite the fact that toilets are totally inappropriate talk for food blogs. (sheesh kell, we are reading about food here!) alright just look back at the pretty pic and forget this written detour ever happened…

Cacao Nib Pecan Pie w/ Cashew, Coconut Crust

the crust: from “pecan chai pie on cashew crust” in ani’s raw food kitchen by ani phyo

 what you’ll need: 1 cup cashew (dry), 1/2 tsp vanilla extract (we used pure tahitan vanilla extract), 1 tsp sea salt, 1 1/2 cups pitted dates (medjool), 1 1/2 cups shredded coconut

1. pulse cashews, vanilla, salt, and coconut in a food processor.

2. slowly add dates and process into a dough-like consistency.

(in case you don’t have pitted dates, have no fear… it is so simple to pit them yourself, these photos are pretty much pointless to post.  but i took them, so regard and pretend to learn…)

break in half, pull out pit, and…

wabam!  one pitless date…

so back to the dough making.

add dates… and make dough…

stir it around a bit… then process some more…

the dough wasn’t quite coming together. so we added a bit of water to make it stickier.

that is how your dough should look when done…

3. “flour” the bottom of a pie pan with coconut.

4. press cashew crust mix masterpiece into “floured” pan.

(you may recognize my hands, which are at the moment artfully smooshing dough into a pie pan.  its rough taking photos when both hands are smooshing/covered in date juice… so thanks j for your master photog skills.)

the filling: we first tried out ani’s recipe that accompanied this crust, but decided it tasted umm…not so good.  so… we scrapped that and came up with this concoction.  i wish i could take credit, but j’s mom is the genius behind the filling.  (coming soon to a computer near you, a food blog by j’s mom herself.)

what you’ll need: 1 orange (zested, peeled, and seeded), 1 cup dates, 1/3 cup raisins, pinch of nutmeg, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp vanilla, 1 tblsp maple syrup, 2 tblsp water, 4 cups pecans (unpictured due to mysterious circumstances. just wonder on that one.), handful of cacao nibs

1. in a blender, blend (ah duh) orange pulp, dates, cinnamon, nutmeg, water, maple syrup, salt, vanilla, and raisins.

now side note… how does one get this orange pulp with minimal wear and tear? first before we begin this, zest the orange and set aside. then to get the pulp, we will ”supreme” the orange, which let me just say, is “supremely” cool (har har).

slice off the top and bottom of the orange. then slice off the sides.

then you slice the pulp out of the little orange skin thingamajiggers. and ta da! orange pulp!

2. once the syrup is blended, you will add it to the pecans, cacao nibs, and 1 tblsp of orange zest. mix it together well.

and then spoon into the pie crust.

3. chill in fridge for about 30 minutes. and then you will have a lovely raw pie to eat and enjoy!  store in fridge.

the verdict: very yummy.  after our photo shoot and sampling, we decided it might be good to also process the pecans in the filling, rather than keeping them whole.  then keep some unchopped to decorate the top. but regardless, this tastes very good.  other fun bonuses: this is vegan! enzyme-packed! nutty! orangey! coconutty! and, not to mention, hip and trendy!

this is it folks.  my very first daring bakers challenge. and um, seriously, they were not kidding.  this was both incredibly daring and a challenge.  i mean, holy crap.  the recipe is about 4 miles long, involves jelly roll pans (which i didnt know existed until this challenge), and lots and lots and lots of layers and syrupy bits.  it is totally worth it though, let me tell you.  my coworkers kind of think i’m awesome now.  so, bonus!

this opera cake of doom was the devious idea of daring baker co-founders lis (la mia cucina) and ivonne (cream puffs in venice) with the help of fran (apples peaches pumpkin pie) and shea (whiskful).  i like to imagine them coming together (dragging a lame/club foot behind them), fingers rubbing creepily together, and nasally whispering, “how best to try these so-called daring bakers?”  “ah ha! an opera cake! and not just any opera cake, but one that can only be light in color.  no chocolate! or darkness!” (i know, no darkness seems out of character for this evil story i am spinning) 

weird story segue aside… because it is spring/summer (too bad no one has informed boston yet), our co-hosts (who i am sure are all very sweet and not igor-like at all) decided to go with an opera cake that is light in flavor and color.  that being the case, i decided to use an orange zest buttercream and orange blossom water glaze.  i have been racking my brain/the internet for things to do with my orange blossom water, which has been sitting in my cupboards since a previous baking experiment, and came to the conclusion that now was the time.  granted, i still have pretty much the entire bottle left despite using it for this recipe.  (note to readers… any orange blossom water baking ideas?) 

now… on to the baking.  get ready.  you might want to take a deep breath.

the joconde:

what you’ll need:

6 large egg whites, at room temperature
2 tbsp. white sugar
2 cups almond meal                                                                                                                                          2 cups icing sugar, sifted
6 large eggs
½ cup all-purpose flour
3 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted and cooled

1. divide the oven into thirds by positioning a rack in the upper third of the oven and the lower third of the oven.  preheat the oven to 425◦f.

3. line two 12½ x 15½- inch (31 x 39-cm) jelly-roll pans with parchment paper and brush with melted butter.  (i couldn’t find any pans that size so i used two 12×17.  it just makes the cake a bit thinner… and you have to cut things down later when assembling.)

4. beat the egg whites with a hand-held mixer (with whisk attachment) until they form soft peaks. add the granulated sugar and beat until the peaks are stiff and glossy.

(loooookin’ good!)

(why, what adorable little peaks you have.)

5. grab a second bowl. attach the paddle attachment to the mixer and beat the almonds, icing sugar and eggs on medium speed until light and voluminous, about 3 minutes. (i don’t have a paddle attachment, and don’t even know where to find one… so i used the whisks, then grabbed my own paddle thingamajig (aka a spatula) and just pretended it was a paddle attachment…  i know, awful.)

6. add the flour and beat on low speed until the flour is just combined (be very careful not to overmix here!!!).

7. using a rubber spatula, gently fold the meringue into the almond mixture and then fold in the melted butter.

divide the batter between the pans and spread it evenly to cover the entire surface of each pan.

8. bake the cake layers until they are lightly browned and just springy to the touch. this could take anywhere from 5 to 9 minutes depending on your oven. place one jelly-roll pan in the middle of the oven and the second jelly-roll pan in the bottom third of the oven.

9. put the pans on a heatproof counter and run a sharp knife along the edges of the cake to loosen it from the pan. cover each with a sheet of parchment or wax paper, turn the pans over, and unmold.

10. carefully peel away the parchment, then turn the parchment over and use it to cover the cakes. let the cakes cool to room temperature.

on to the syrup!

what you’ll need:

½ cup (125 grams) water
⅓ cup (65 grams) granulated sugar
1 to 2 tbsp. vanilla extract

1. stir all the syrup ingredients together in the saucepan and bring to a boil.

2. remove from the heat and let cool to room temperature.

that was easy enough…  now, the buttercream:

what you’ll need:

1 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar
¼ cup (60 grams) water
1 tbsp. pure vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1¾ sticks (7 ounces; 200 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/3 of medium orange zest

1. combine the sugar, water and extract in a small saucepan and warm over medium heat just until the sugar dissolves.

2. continue to cook, without stirring, until the syrup reaches 225◦F (107◦C) on a candy or instant-read thermometer. once it reaches that temperature, remove the syrup from the heat.

3. while the syrup is heating, begin whisking the egg and egg yolk at high speed in the bowl of your mixer using the whisk attachment. whisk them until they are pale and foamy.

4. when the sugar syrup reaches the correct temperature and you remove it from the heat, reduce the mixer speed to low speed and begin slowly (very slowly) pouring the syrup down the side of the bowl being very careful not to splatter the syrup into the path of the whisk attachment.  some of the syrup will spin onto the sides of the bowl but don’t worry about this and don’t try to stir it into the mixture as it will harden!

5. raise the speed to medium-high and continue beating until the eggs are thick and satiny and the mixture is cool to the touch (about 5 minutes or so).

6. while the egg mixture is beating, place the softened butter in a bowl and mash it with a spatula until you have a soft creamy mass.

7. with the mixer on medium speed, begin adding in two-tablespoon chunks. when all the butter has been incorporated, raise the mixer speed to high and beat until the buttercream is thick and shiny.

8. at this point add in the orange zest and beat for an additional minute or so.

9. refrigerate the buttercream, stirring it often, until it’s set enough (firm enough) to spread when topped with a layer of cake (about 20 minutes).   rather than sit around and wait… i decided to go to the movies with my roommate..in our pajamas.  because we are cool like that.  and then stuck my other lamer roommate (kidding, love you m!) on stirring duty.

(i couldn’t quite figure out how to wrap up my joconde due to its long thin shape… so seran wrapping the entire table seemed like my best bet.)

once i returned, after having a good cry at made of honor, (le sigh patty d. patrick dempsey and i are so chummy i can call him patty d.) i began the glaze. usually there is also a mousse or ganache involved.  but i opted out since i couldn’t quite figure out how to do it without using white chocolate. and i haaaaate white chocolate. plus, i was already putting forth a lot of effort on this challenge.  i didn’t want to explode or anything.

what you’ll need:

1/4 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 cup powdered sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 tsp. orange blossom water (pretty much just do it to taste)

1. combine ingredients, mix until smooth.

2. let stand for 5 minutes. (but you want to make this right before you glaze the cake.  i let it sit over night and it came out all wuckawucka.  don’t be like me.  listen to the insturction masters.)

the assembly! (finally!!)

gather the troops…

1. line a baking sheet with parchment or wax paper. (i totally forgot to do this.  typical.  i recommend that you do remember.)

2. working with one sheet of cake at a time, cut and trim each sheet so that you have two pieces (from each cake so you’ll have four pieces in total):  one 10-inch (25-cm) square and one 10 x 5-inch (25 x 12½-cm) rectangle.

3. place one square of cake on the baking sheet and moisten it gently with the flavoured syrup.

(also, just so you know, it’s pretty tricky to photograph and moisten at the same time.)

4. spread about one-third of the buttercream over this layer.

5. top with the two rectangular pieces of cake, placing them side by side to form a square. moisten these pieces with the flavoured syrup.

(woops.  definitely didn’t trim it to size.  don’t tell anyone.  got that internet?)

6. spread another third of the buttercream on the cake and then top with the third square of joconde. use the remaining syrup to wet the joconde. spread the remaining buttercream on top of the final layer of joconde and then refrigerate until very firm (at least half an hour).

7. at this point i decided that the cake seemed a little short… i didn’t want it to get a complex, so i cut the cake in half and put one on top of the other.  so now it has 6 lovely layers and feels tall and pretty.

8. make the glaze (cough, pull it out of the fridge from the night before) and after it has cooled, pour/spread it over the top of the chilled cake. refrigerate the cake again to set the glaze.

serve the cake slightly chilled.

the verdict:  you still with me??  to make a long story short, it turned out great with minimal injury to myself.  it was super challenging, but definitely worth it if you are feeling like a… daring baker!

since i am silly, and did not halve this recipe like i should have considering my small boston family, i took half to work…
the buzz around the water cooler:

“did you make this? no you didnt. did you really? really? you made this?”

“wow. your talents are wasted here.”

“ah! this is so gourmet! and pretty!”  (impressive statement considering that the cake began its life as a gloopy blob cake.)

not to toot my own horn or anything… but yay!! 

(ps- very special thanks to nic and j for their seran wrapping advice, company keeping, and oohs and aahs throughout this entire ordeal!)

(pps- make sure you check out the other daring baker creations!)

i can’t even begin to explain the heartbreaking realities of a corrupted memory card.  half of my healthy cupcake shoot is trapped in that wirey bit of plastic doom.  lovely photos of happy little cupcakes perched on my roommate’s hand. gone. gone forever. off to that abyss where corrupted memory card photos dwell and taunt the bereaved photographer.

if i did have the photos, you would be gazing upon one of the above cupcakes with a nice little chocolate frosting hat.  since obviously a hat is the only proper concise way to describe frosting spread about on top of a cupcake.

now, different train of thought… i might have mentioned before that it is tricky baking for my roommates due to their many dietary concerns.  one roommate is vegan, one is diabetic, one is gluten-free, and one is lactose intolerant.  (yes, i am aware that i have a ridiculous amount of roommates)  it is my own beginner baker nightmare.  how does one who is pretty much just winging it anyways accommodate all of these conditions??  the solution… the healthy cupcake!  (which unfortunately tastes a bit more “healthy” than i would have liked.)  i took a cue from vegan cupcakes take over the world and adapted their simple vanilla and agave nectar cupcake  so that it is gluten-free and paired it with the thick chocolate fudgy frostin’ recipe also listed in the book.  the nice thing about this cupcake is that 1. it is vegan (check one roommate), 2. it is therefore lactose free (check two roommates), 3. it uses agave nectar rather than sugar (check three roommates), and 4. by subbing in a gluten-free flour it is miraculously also gluten-free (check four roommates!).  kinda fantastic.

on to the cupcake…

what you’ll need: 2/3 cup soy milk, 1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar, 2/3 cup light agave nectar, 1/3 cup canola oil, 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1/2 teaspoon almond extract, 1 1/3 cup gluten-free baking flour, 3/4 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon salt

1. line muffin pan with cupcake liners and preheat oven to 325 degrees f.

2. mix the soy milk and apple cider vinegar in a large bowl…

let it sit for a few minutes so that it can curdle.

3. beat in the agave nectar, oil, vanilla, and almond extract.

(when pouring ingredients together it made fun bubbly things. i thought it important to document.)

4. sift in the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. 

now let’s quickly discuss this flour a bit, shall we?  to make it gluten-free, i had to cut out the regular all-purpose flour that the original recipe called for.  i got this handy precombined magic gluten-free baking & pancake mix by pamela’s products. it uses brown rice flour, white rice flour. almond meal, and a bunch of other fun stuff. i was a bit frightened that it would come out more pancakey than bakey, but you can rest assured that it didn’t turn into a pancake cupcake at all.

beat until smooth.

(i decided to hand beat the batter.  it makes me feel like i have worked off some of the calories i will be ultimately consuming. come on, can’t a girl pretend?)

the little specks are from the almond meal in the flour blend. i think they are cute. i’ll keep ‘em.

5. now fill the liners two-thirds full. i always over guesstimate… and the result was a few muffiny cupcakes. but if you like your cupcakes to have muffin tops… heck.. fill away.

6. bake for 20-22 minutes until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

allow the cupcakes to cool for at least an hour before adding the frosting.  this will let the flavors and texture develop properly.

next is the frosting…

what you’ll need: 1/2 cup margarine (room temp), 1/2 cup dark agave nectar (light is pictured.. but i ended up switching to dark bc i thought it would go better with the chocolate. you can use either), 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, 1/3 cup cocoa powder (sifted), 1/2 cup soy milk powder

(this is where my memory card gets switched and ultimately corrupts.  it only works if bribed now, but i refuse to give in to its devious ways… so no more photographic play-by-plays.  extreme sadface.)

1. beat margarine and agave nectar with an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth. whisk in vanilla, then slowly fold in cocoa powder (be careful or it will poof in your face, which is not entirely pleasant). slowly beat in soy milk powder at low speed.

2. pop the frosting into the refrigerator for 10 minutes or so until firm enough to spread. 

the verdict: as i said before, this cupcake tasted “healthy.”  if you are in to that sort of thing, i say go for it. i think my problem is that i was expecting a cupcake cupcake. as in a sugary delight… which this definitely isn’t.  but if you are a diabetic gluten-free vegan, i would again say to go for it.  the cupcake itself was pretty good.  although, contrary to the recipe book title, i don’t think this cupcake will be taking over the world. 

the frosting… was kind of a failure.  perhaps that is why my memory card decided to die. it was too frightened by the frosting.  because i am chronicling both my successes and my failures, i still wanted to post the recipe.  maybe i messed something up?  the book said it would be velvety.. but it came out a bit sandy… if that makes any sense.  perhaps i bought the wrong soy milk powder?  if anyone out there has any ideas, please let me know.  but, point of this story… i would skip this particular frosting recipe… unless you know how to fix whatever i did wrong… i think with a different frosting, the cupcake would have been much better.

but, don’t let any of this talk fool you… i still ate pretty much over half of these cupcakes.  so they couldn’t have been that bad.  ooooor i just have no self-control…

in other news, my testers were very diplomatic…

tester m: “it tastes… healthy.  i bet my mom would like it.”  tester m’s fam is all about the organic, healthy, buy-in-bulk life style.

tester a: “its… not bad. its… interesting.” 

(special thanks to tester m, my food stylist.)

 i ate these for breakfast. i ate these for lunch. i ate these for dinner. i ate these for dessert. that, my friends, is how yummy these are.  so yummy, i contemplated blending them up and drinking them.  ok.. maybe not. that could be strange, but most likely still fantastic.

i made these for my book club, because they are demanding.  and in this case, they demanded baked goods. afraid of possible book chuckage at my head if i came treatless, i complied.  and while searching for the perfect recipe, i came across this on smitten kitchen (in case you couldn’t tell, i am currently smitten with this particular site. har har.)  now, tester m loves peanut butter. like only one food you could eat for the rest of your life love.  so i decided to make these in her honor.  because i love her.  and she’s real pretty.  and she leaves fun magazines in my room for me to read.  of course, as soon as i made these… she informed me that she has decided to go gluten-free for the next few weeks.  i cried.  then i sucked it up, and laughed at her as she gave them a good sniff, like those people on diets who smell donuts while drinking water so that they can pretend like they are actually eating it.

unfortunately, i do not have a photo of what you’ll need for this particular project. why, you ask?

this….

boys.  and their grilling.  (please don’t judge the baby tiny grill…) while the girls were inside baking up a storm, a slew of boys were running about grilling on the back porch.  yea, we like to keep the stereotypes alive at casa d’achy bakey.  the flurry of activity stressed me out a little bit.  our grillers kept trying to sample, so i was forced to beat them back with my spatula.  which is a lot of work, let me tell ya.

so… what you’ll need: (imagine photo above.  it’s a really great photo.  you are pretty much salivating as the ingredients pop out of the web page at you.)   for blondie: 2 sticks unsalted butter (softened), 1 3/4 cups sugar, 1 cup creamy peanut butter, 2 large eggs, 1 large egg yolk, 2 tsps pure vanilla extract, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips; for ganache: 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1/2 cup heavy cream, 1 tblsp unsalted butter (softened)

blondie building: (somtimes i like to build brownies, rather than make or bake them.)

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees with rack in the middle. butter a 13×9 baking pan. line bottom of pan with parchment paper and then butter the parchment.

like so….

my lovely friend at cuisine heart taught me this little trick.

2. beat together butter and sugar with an electric mixer until light anf fluffy. add peanut butter, and beat until incorporated.

beat in whole eggs, egg yolk, and vanilla. reduce mixer speed to low, and mix in flour until just combined.

3. mix in chocolate chips.

spread batter in baking pan and smooth the top. (it comes out thick, like cookie batter. also, you should keep your spatula on hand, because at this point, if there are any pesky boys/roommates about, you will need to wack them with it to protect your creation.)

4. bake for about 40-45 minutes, until brownies are a deep golden color, puffed on top, and your toothpick comes out with just some crumbs sticking to it.  cool in pan on a rack for about 1 1/2 hours.

(again, watch your blondie baby. i literally had to chase a griller down the hall as he was actually stealing it!!)

time for the ganache!  this was my first time making ganache, and i have to tell you, not nearly as scary as i thought it would be. easy peasy!

1. put chocolate chips in a heatproof bowl.

2. bring cream to a boil in a small sauce pan, then pour over the chocolate chips and let mixture stand for 1 minute.

3. gently whisk in butter until it is incorporated, chocolate is melted, and a smooth mixture forms.

(we begin our mixing…)

(yup, still mixing…)

4. spread ganache on cooled blondies and let stand until set… should be about 15 minutes.  although i popped them in the fridge for a little bit too just to make them extra super duper set…

and voila!  time to feed them to your friends and loved ones (and book clubs!) and feel their adoration.

the verdict: i think there is nothing more to say.  if the robbery attempts haven’t convinced you to grab your apron this very second…

tester w: “mmmmmmm”   literally no words.  pretty much just a bunch of mmms and half closed eyes.

tester m: “they sure do smell good!”  harumph. what a week to become gluten-free.

tester nic: “man, i wish i didn’t hate peanut butter!!”

 what is more appropriate for cinco de mayo than margarita cookies?  (let’s pretend i had managed to actually post this on cinco de mayo)  not that i’m a lush or anything, ahem, but cocktail inspired cookies/baked goods really are the tops and put a twinkle in my eye.  now if only they had the same fuzzy effects… right, not a lush.  when i started seeing margarita inspired treats popping up on a bunch of food blogs, i could tell it would be a match made in heaven.  i mean, tequila instead of an extract?  genius! i  ended up using the recipe i found on smitten kitchen and adapted it so that it is vegan.  one of my many roommates has recently joined the vegan fold, and since she likes baked treats, and i get upset if i am the only one growing little baked good love handles, i have to mix things up. 

what you’ll need: 2 sticks unsalted margarine (room temp), 2/3 cup confectioners’ sugar (sifted), egg replacer(i used ener g), pinch of salt, 2 teaspoons tequila, grated zest of two limes, grated zest of half an orange, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1/2 cup clear standing or other coarse sugar, 2 teaspoons flaky Maldon sea salt (these last two ingredients are for the coating.  my regular grocery didn’t carry such fancy things, so i used regular sugar and regular sea salt.)

1. with a paddle attachment, beat the butter at a medium speed until smooth. (i did not have a paddle attachment, so i just beat it by hand with a big spoon. i think my right forearm might now be extremely disproportionate. seriously, i am half a pop-eye.)

add the sifted confectioners’ sugar and beat again until the mixture is smooth.

now you are going to want to add your 1 “egg yolk,” or in this case, 1 egg yolk worth of egg replacer. this actually worked great.  and wasn’t nearly as weird as i thought it would be.  there are instructions on the box on how to use the substitute depending on what sort of egg your recipe called for.

here we whip up an “egg yolk.”  it was horribly thrilling, as you can see.  once you make it, you will beat it into the mixture, followed by the salt, tequila, grated lime and orange zest.

(remember folks, it is always important to sample your ingredients… tequila is no different.  unless you are under 21. in which case i do not promote tequila samples…)

(my, how zesty!)

now add the flour.  if you are using a mixer, reduce the speed to low.  beat it just until it disappears. it is better to underbeat than overbeat.

2. gather dough into a ball and divide it in half. wrap each piece of dough in plastic wrap or wax paper and refrigerate for about 30 minutes.

3. on a smooth surface, roll each dough ball into a log that is about 1 to 1/4 inches thick.

(isn’t teamwork nice?)

4. wrap the logs back up and chill for 2 hours.

5. preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

6. time to make your sugar/salt coating! mix the coarse sugar and flaky salt well and spread on a piece of wax paper.  prepare another egg replacer for the equivilent of one egg yolk… this will be used to glaze your dough. 

7. brush logs lightly with egg replacer glaze. then roll the logs over the sugar/salt combo.

8. slice each log into 1/4 width cookies.  place cookies on lined baking sheet, leaving about 1/2 inch between them.

9. bake cookies for 12 to 14 minutes, or until they are set but not browned. transfer your cookies to cooling racks.

10. eat ‘em up!

the verdict: a winner.  do i smell strawberry daiquiri cookies on the horizon? no idea how i would pull that one off… can you zest a strawberry? no?  i’ll give it a think…  i got a couple complaints that they were too salty, and read after the fact that you should use less salt in the coating if you don’t use the Maldon flaky salt. so take that into consideration.  i personally could eat a salt lick for dinner, so it didn’t bother me one bit.  yum salt.

as far as my top cookies go, this one is way up there.  i first made these over christmas vacation, when i yanked my brother from his lair/computer to be my indentured servant for the afternoon.  it took a bit of persuasion to convince him to get his hands dirty (i don’t even know what to do with the kid sometimes), but he proved to be quite the baker.  i wanted to make them for santa.. i am convinced that if i tell my 18-year-old brother he believes in that jolly man with enough fervor and assertion, he suddenly will.  but since i had to face the facts that my childhood was gone forever, i decided to have my parents take them to a christmas party they were going to.  let’s just say, the cookies did not make it there.  because once you eat one, you just can’t stop.  kinda like pringles. 

i got the recipe from probably the cutest southern lady on the planet (other than my darling mother of course)… ms. paula deen.  she really is adorable.  i want to pinch her cheeks. and hug her. and to have her be my auntie. that is all that i want.  ….well, and to eat her food and not gain an ounce.

but, these babies above are her chocolate gooey butter cookies. or ooey gooey cookies as i like to call them, because i suck at names and this is what i came up with when i was fumbling about trying to remember when my many adoring fans (cough. let me live the dream.) were demanding to know.  they are not necessarily ooey… nor gooey…  but still delightful.  and smooshy (a technical baking term). now enough rambling, and more baking.

what you’ll need: 1 8-ounce brick cream cheese, 1 stick butter (room temp), 1 egg, 1 18-ounce box of moist chocolate cake mix, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, confectioners sugar

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. in a large bowl, cream the cream cheese and butter together until smooth.  i had to do this cradling my bowl and hand mixer while standing in the pantry so as not to wake up my sleeping roommates.  (have i mentioned that i bake at odd times?) it was awkward and somewhat unpleasant.  i recommend against this.

3. beat in the egg.

(don’t forget to check for shell and other grossness! i say this, because i definitely would forget.)

(a thing of dairy beauty? or a vegan’s worst nightmare?)

4. beat in vanilla extract.

5. beat in cake mix.

when cookie dough attacks!  once you get to the cake beating portion… the cake tends to fight back.  and it almost won.  i kept having to pause to remove its gooey tendrils from ensnaring my mixer entirely.  you pretty much just have to keep at it.  because it will ultimately be worth it.

this will be your lovely dough.

6. paula says to refrigerate your dough for 2 hours so that it will firm up and be easier for ball rolling.  but as we all know, since it seems to be a theme of this blog, i am laaaazy.  so i threw it in the freezer for however long it took me to do the plethora of dishes stockpiled in my kitchen (about 30-40 minutes. i’m a slow washer.  i tend to boogie to the music at the same time.)

7. roll dough into tablespoon sized balls and then roll in confectioners sugar.

8. place on an ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart. bake for 12 minutes.  let them cool and then sprinkle some more confectioners sugar on top. i think it is impossible to have too much confectioners sugar.

paula’s recipe said that this should yield about 2 dozen cookies.  but, i must have magical powers, because i came out with about 5 dozen.  if only these powers extended to other things, like money and bobby pins.

the verdict: i took these to work, and my pirahna coworkers ate them within seconds.  they are that yummy.  again, pringle cookies.