pie fest: part 1

there has been a trend in my postings as of late, mostly consisting of a stream of apologies for my absence, excuses for said absence, and then begging for forgiveness.  for your sake and my own, i will now issue a blanket statement for all future posts: erm, oops?

alright, now that that is settled, we shall get to the business at hand– pies.  now that it is april, these pies might be a little out of season.  that is because i baked them in november (please see blanket statement above).  but in the spirit of the new year (cough three and a half months ago), i’m going to try something new, instead of saying i’m late with this, i’m going to say that i am excessively early.  i might even take it a step further and make up some new motto for 2009, which would be something along the lines of “let’s break traditions and get a little crazy up in here.”  who says pumpkin pies have to be baked in the fall? we have these fancy things called grocery stores… and canned food… namely, canned pumpkin!  the sheer magic of out-of-season produce at your fingertips all year long!

so, i baked these pies (there will be another posting tomorrow) for pre-thanksgiving- a tradition/holiday my college friends and i started so that we could celebrate thanksgiving and gorge ourselves together before going our seperate ways to meet up with our families and gorge ourselves some more.  perhaps i shouldn’t be confessing that i am just now blogging something for thanksgiving and instead just pretend that i am kooky and really in to eating fall-themed pies in the spring (although, i’m not quite sure you can call april in new england spring. i am still wearing a plaid wool skirt for goodness sakes.)

alright, moving on to the pies… to start we must make the pie dough. i know, i’m fancy like that.  no pre-made doughs for me… at least this time.  i plead the fifth about what i use when i’m not blogging the experience.  this recipe comes from a williams-sonoma pie dough class i went to at some point in the past. the classes they give at their stores are nice and pretty informative, but unfortunately do not involve hands-on activities or samples. but they are free and potentially are taught by cute pastry chefs (like at the one i went to).

what you’ll need: 1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, 1 tablespoon sugar, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 8 tablespoons (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, 3 tablespoons very cold water

1. stir together flour, sugar, and salt.

2. cut butter into 1/4 inch squares. the recipe i have says to use a pastry cutter or two knives and to cut the butter into the flour mixture until the texture resembles coarse corn meal with butter pieces no larger than small peas.  but when i went to this class, the pastry chef told us to smoosh the butter into flat squares, as you can see in the photo below, and then to just work the flour into those smooshed butter pieces.  this way the pastry will come out with buttery layers.  i’m sure the other way is just as effective, but i just get a kick out of smooshing my butter/using my hands in general.

3. add the water and mix with a fork just until the dough pulls together.

4. transfer the dough to a work surface (aka my kitchen table), and pat into a ball. please note that  this dough should be rolled out immediately for best results.

5. lightly flour the work surface, then flatten the disk with 6 to 8 gentle taps from your rolling pin. lift the dough and give it a quarter turn. lightly dust the top of the dough/the rolling pin as needed, then roll out into a round at least 12 inches in diameter and about 1/8 inch thick.

this makes enough dough for one 9-inch single-crust pie.

voila! a beautiful pie crust. and if you are like me, you must now practice intense self restraint to keep from muching on the edges of this dough.

now that we have our dough, we need our filling. this particular pie is pumpkin.  because how can you have pre-thanksgiving without pumpkin pie?  or to put this in this season’s context, how can you not be an awesome quirky-but-cool person without a nice mid-spring (cough still winter) pumpkin pie?

the pumpkin pie filling comes from william-sonoma as well.

what you’ll need: 1 1/4 cups firmly packed dark brown sugar, 1 tablespoon cornstarch, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamin, 1/2 tsp. ground ginger, 1/4 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg, 1/8 tsp. ground cloves, 2 cups pumpkin puree, 3 eggs, 1 cup heavy cream ( i used light bc the store was out of heavy and i didn’t think the difference would be too upsetting as no whipping was involved), 1/3 cup milk, prebaked and cooled deep-dish pie crust

1. first off, this recipe calls for a prebaked pie crust. so in order to do this, you must preheat your oven to 350°f. carefully place the dough in the pie plate.  make sure to push it down in the edges.  trim the dough to within 1/2 inch of the lip of the dish and then tuck the overhang underneath itself along the edge of the pie dish. at this point, i also like to attempt to make fancy little edges by using a fork, or smooshing with my finger. chill your pie crust for 30 mins and when it is sufficiently chilled, line the pie crust with parchment paper, wax paper, or aluminum foil. fill at least two-thirds full with pie weights, like dry beans.  as you can see in the photo, i used sushi rice that a former roommate left behind.  i don’t believe in waste. bake for 20 minutes, then remove from the oven, cool a few minutes and carefully remove the pie weights. poke small holes in the bottom of the pie crust with a fork and return to the oven (without the weights) and cook for an additional 10 minutes, until the crust is golden. cool completely before filling.

2. now for the filling: preheat oven to 375°f.

3. in a bowl, whisk together the brown sugar, cornstarch, salt, cinnamin, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves.  add the pumpkin, eggs, cream, and milk, and whisk to combine.

i can’t decide if i think this looks super gross, or kinda cool…  i’m leaning towards the former.

looking much better, and less like kitty barf.  (why do i always have to go there?)

4. pour the filling into the piecrust and bake until the center is set- about 60 to 65 minutes.  cover the edges of the crust with aluminum foil after 30 minutes if they brown too quickly.

5. transfer the pie to a wire rack and let it cool completely–at least 2 hours–before serving.

pumpkin pie!  so good you won’t even care that it is out of season!  erm, hopefully…

coming up next: chocolate pecan pie

and you call yourself a blogger?

hello. i don’t know if you remember me, but i used to blog here about baking?  maybe ringing a bell? slowly registering? the haze begins to clear?  so, as it turns out, i didn’t drop off the face of the planet and/or die. nope. i just totally suck. and i feel like crap about it. ok? im sorry. i said it.

but like the governator once said in an amazing and slightly silly accent: i’ll be back!

a sneak peek at what the future holds:

we travel back in time… all the way to november. for pies.

cookies = bribery

good help these days apparently come at a price: cookies. 

my car for the last 7 years has had this amazing oooga horn in it.  seemed like the best way to prove how cool and hip i was to all the other high school kids.  seriously, people.  it was the best thing ever.  i used to honk it in the school parking lot and kids would jump in the air and/or go beserk.  best part: they had no idea it came from my car.  because, let’s face it, xterras do not oooga.  welp, it had been a good run and my ooga horn 7 years later pretty much sounded like an old man grunting.  this did not work well in my new life as a masshole where honking is a necessary form of driver communication.  in georgia, no one honks (the exception being to scare their classmates).  in mass, honking is not just frequent, but compulsive.   so it became necessary to replace the ooga (aka grunt) horn for something more practical… like the horn my car came with.  and with my father, my usual mechanic, thousands of miles away, i needed to call in reenforcements.  and that reenforcement wanted payment: cookies.

now, cookies i could do.  and when a wanted to have a girl’s night of cooking, baking, and feasting, i decided this was the perfect opportunity to pay back my hard laboring friend for his efforts.  to the sounds of patty griffin and other folk talents, we slaved away attempting to recreate 101cookbooks fabulously gourmet looking brown sugar sandwich cookies.  these cookies are ex.cell.ent.  wafer thin, brown sugary dough, poppy seeds, chocolate center… yowzah.  we deviated a bit from heidi’s recipe in that she was fancy and we lacked that fanciness… but hell, they were fabulous nonetheless.

what you’ll need:

2 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
scant 1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons + 1 teaspoon poppy seeds
6 ounces (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2/3 cup good-quality brown sugar / natural cane sugar
2 large egg yolks
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2-3 tablespoons milk

1 tablespoon big flaky sea salt (optional)
1 tablespoon turbinado sugar (optional)
6-7 ounces dark chocolate, chopped

1. preheat oven to 350. place the racks in the top 1/3 of the oven.

2. in a medium bowl whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt and poppy seeds.

3. in a separate bowl,  beat the butter until it is fluffy and creamy. add the sugar and mix some more, scraping the sides of the bowl once along the way. mix in the egg yolks and vanilla extract, scraping the sides again if needed. being careful not to over-mix, stir in the flour mixture by hand. if the dough is on the dry side, stir in the milk also.

4. turn the dough out onto the counter-top, kneed it once or twice (just so it comes together) and form one large ball. cut the dough into four quarters, then shape each piece into a ball. flatten each of the four balls into 1/2-inch thick pancakes, and wrap each piece individually in plastic and chill in the refrigerator for at least half an hour.

5. roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface. it should be wafer thin, about 1/8-inch.

6. grab a cookie cutter to stamp out your wafer thin cookies. (note: seriously tricky to remove them from the board after you stamp, so i did this twisty maneuver that made the stamped piece come up with the cutter and then popped it right out.)

7. arrange cookies 1 inch apart on parchment-lined baking sheets before sprinkling with a small pinch of salt and sugar.

8. bake for about seven minutes or until the cookie edges are golden brown. remove from oven and cool completely on a rack. (note: make sure the oven is actually on.  a and i were completely confused when 30 minutes later our cookies were still (!!) not cooked yet.  please don’t judge: it’s a new oven!)

9. once the cookies have cooled, you will be ready to assemble.  now you need to place the chocolate in a double boiler (or a bowl placed over a bit of simmering water) to melt. spread about 1/2 teaspoon of melted chocolate onto the center of the flat side of one cookie. top with another cookie – matching flat side to flat side. repeat with the remaining cookies, setting them aside to let the chocolate set.

(this recipe will make about2 dozen sandwich cookies.)

10.  pass out to w to repay your car horn assembly debt.

omg, i feel loved.

 an award?? for little ole’ me?  i feel so loved! 

the other day.. ok, week… uh, month… ok, gawd, fine, two months ago… i got the sweetest comment from karen of something sweet by karen.  along with 9 other lucky/glam/wonderful recipients, i was given this lovely excellence award.  just to prove how excellent myachybakeyheart is, i waited two months to post about it… heh heh… um… whoops.  but despite this lengthy wait, i must assert that i really am so grateful!  really!  karen, thank you!!

now, part of this award is that i get to pay it forward to other bloggers.  so basically, those who are the most flattering and tell me they love me most often.  i kid, i kid.  …ish. 

these blogs below are some of my current favs and totally deserve a fancy little e for their site:

picky eatings

cuisine heart

smitten kitchen

bakerella

vegan yum yum

don’t feel pressured to participate.  just know you are loved, make my day a little brighter, and sometimes are the unwitting cause of my salivating a bit while at work. (huh, that kinda sounds gross.)

as always there are rules, but it is for an award that makes you feel special and loved, so it is well worth it : please find at least 10 more blogs of any kind which you deem to be excellent.  (as you may have noticed… i only picked 5… so i won’t judge if you fudge the numbers a bit as well.  rules are meant to be broken?)
then, post about the blogs you picked, linking back to me and to them.
once you’ve posted, please let me know your post is up. and lastly, but most importantly, let your 10 award winners know!

yay awards!

vegan hazelnut cupcakes.

this post has only been about, eh, two months in the making…  but when you read about this cupcake you will realize it was definitely worth the wait.  you might be thinking, nice try kel, keep dreaming.  but really, sooo good.  takes about 6 years to actually make (kelley time = appx. 3 hours, although that could also be in part due to the copious amounts of wine that was aflowin’). 

as i am posting this, i find it is very depressing that i don’t remember too much about this day. no, not because of the wine.. but because it was two months ago and therefore a lot of the hilarity attached is lost in the confines of my memory.  i do remember that the reason my roommate j and i decided to make cupcakes was for the sole purpose of showing off this sweet cupcake stand.  she got it for me from crate and barrel for my bday, and im not going to lie, i feel kinda pretty just owning it.  a little peculiar that a cupcake stand is what gives me an ego boost, but hey, to each his (or her) own.

so let’s talk about this glorious decadance of a cupcake: hazelnut cake, chocolate ganache topping, toasted hazelnut garnish… and here is the kicker, a mocha hazelnut mousse filling.  can we please have a collective sigh?  dear vctotw, you have now ruined me for all other cupcakes. this one is so tasty/made me feel so gourmet that i’m not sure i can go back.

one problem, i found it nearly impossible to locate hazelnut extract.  j and i must have spent the entire morning running around town trying to find this suprisingly rare elixir.  after scrounging every whole foods within 10 miles (of which there are an unprecedented amount) and random market we could think of, we came across a little co-op.  i nearly took out a biker as i hastened to park my car.  im sorry biker, but noone gets between me and my hazelnut extract.  so after this near catastrophe, we ran in… our last hope.  low and behold… “laaaaa”… the extract!  cut to 10 seconds later… the aisle is full of curious onlookers as j and i find we are incapable of stopping our shreiking and hysterical jumping.  it was a beautiful moment.

on to the baking… 

vegan hazelnut cupcakes from vegan cupcakes take over the world

step 1: the mocha hazelnut mousse

what you’ll need: 6 ounces extra-firm silken tofu (this confused me. a lot. bc j and i thought silken meant not firm??  this was a conundrum, so we just went with the least squishy of the silken…), 2 tbsp plain soy milk, 1 tbsp pure maple syrup, 4 tsp instant espresso powder, 2 tsp hazelnut liqueur (i used extract instead… shhh.), 1 tsp vanilla extract, 6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, chopped (or 2/3 cup chips)

1. crumble tofu into a blender.  add soy milk, maple syrup, espresso powder, hazelnut liqueur, and vanilla. puree until completely smooth. set aside.

2. melt chocolate in a double boiler or some sort of make shift contraption. once melted, let cool for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3. add chocolate to your tofu mixture and blend until combined.

4. transfer mousse to an airtight container or bowl covered in plastic wrap. let it chill for an hour to firm.  remove from the fridge 10 minutes before you are ready to use.

step 2: the hazelnut cake

what you’ll need: 1 cup & 2 tbsp all-purpose flour, 1/3 cup hazelnut meal/flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon, 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg, 1/2 tsp salt, 2/3 cup rice milk or nut milk (we choose hazelnut. might as well take it all the way.), 1 tbsp ground flaxseeds, 1/3 cup canola oil, 1/4 cup maple syrup, 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed, 1 tsp vanilla extract, 1 1/2 tsp hazelnut extract or 1 tbsp hazelnut liqueur.

1. line cupcake pan and preheat oven to 350 f. in a small bowl, whisk together flaxseed and rice milk.  in a large bowl, sift together the flour, hazelnut meal, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.

2. add the maple syrup, sugar, canola oil, vanilla, and hazelnut liqueur to the rice milk mixture and beat well. add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix until mostly smooth.

3. pour into liners, filling them 2/3 of the way.

(this method was not incredibly affective.. but it sure would have been cool if it was!)

4. bake for 22 to 24 min. give it the old toothpick test. cool completely on racks before filling.

step3: the chocolate ganache

what you’ll need: 1/4 cup soy milk, 4 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, 2 tbsp pure maple syrup

1. bring soy milk to a gentle boil in a small sauce pan.  immediately remove from heat and add chocolate and maple syrup. mix chocolate until completely melted and smooth.

2. set aside at room temp until ready to use.

step 4: the assembly

1. use a finger to poke a hole into the top of each cupcake.  

2. fill each cupcake with as much mousse as you can.  scrape off excess cream from tops of the cupcakes.

 

3. spread the ganache onto the cupcakes. two layers can help make it look smoother.

 

4. sprinkle with chopped toasted hazelnuts. place the cupcakes in the fridge to let the ganache to set.

the verdict: soo worth all of the many steps. if you like hazelnuts, please try this one asap.  even if you dont, try it. really.

erm, please don’t kick me out of the club…

so, i’m a little late… ok, fine, a lot late… go ahead and say it: i am the worst daring baker ever.  but i really did make these before the due date… i just waited 2 weeks or so to post it…  better late than never? anyone?

in my defense, i’ve been so busy lately that i’ve pretty much been pulling my hair out.  which is a problem, because it takes up precious time that i should be devoting to other things.  like packing/unpacking my life, working like a crazy person, baking, and um, posting stuff.

i just moved, which i’m sure you don’t really care that much about, but i’m going to detail nonetheless. i’ve finally escaped the “bohemian” ghetto that is allston, ma (a scummy part of boston) and moved across the river to somerville.  this is upsetting only in that i am now technically in the burbs and will not be able to watch the rats frolick in my lawn anymore. har dee har.  ooh rats.  now i am surrounded by dogs frolicking in my lawn, and baby tiny children.  it is quite the experience to see children around as they tend to avoid downtown boston and allston (where, like dingos, the rats might eat yo baybay).  anywho, it’s a whole grand new adventure, and a very exciting one at that.

so the point is, moving takes a lot out of a girl.  and as a result, i have been the biggest slacker and failing on my posting/daring bakering duties.  please forgive me dbs and last month’s hosts tony and meetak!!  never again shall i let you down!  uh… until next month. cough.  (i’m a procrastinator! i can’t help who i am!)  the recipe they so cleverly and daringly chose (flattery: the ultimate tool for forgiveness) was for chocolate eclairs from chocolate desserts by pierre herme.  my lovely friend kor helped me on this challenge while i was back in georgia visiting my parents.  it was fun baking in my old house.  for one thing, there is air conditioning and a ceiling fan (both extremely glorious for summer baking.)  also, there is that element of danger… aka mom walking in mid-bake and discovering the mess.  (booooy is she a neat freak.)  only bad thing, i didn’t have my camera and was forced to use my father’s.  a clunky point and shoot, lord help me, with an attachable flash.  my skills do not extend this far.  (i am so bad with technology, it should be an actual handicap.)  also, did not even realize that there was a flash to attach… as a result, out of the 4 bazillion photos i took, about 3 were in focus.  pain. 

chocolate eclairs

step 1: cream puff dough:

• ½ cup (125g) whole milk
• ½ cup (125g) water
• 1 stick (4 ounces; 115g) unsalted butter, cut into 8 pieces
• ¼ teaspoon sugar
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (140g) all-purpose flour
• 5 large eggs, at room temperature

1) in a heavy bottomed medium saucepan, bring the milk, water, butter, sugar and salt to the
boil.

2) once the mixture is at a rolling boil, add all of the flour at once, reduce the heat to medium
and start to stir the mixture vigorously with a wooden spoon. the dough comes together very
quickly. do not worry if a slight crust forms at the bottom of the pan, it’s supposed to. you
need to carry on stirring for a further 2-3 minutes to dry the dough. after this time the dough
will be very soft and smooth.

3) transfer the dough into a bowl of a mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, or using your
handmixer or if you still have the energy, continue by hand. add the eggs one at a time,
beating after each egg has been added to incorporate it into the dough.
you will notice that after you have added the first egg, the dough will separate, once again do
not worry. as you keep working the dough, it will come back all together again by the time you
have added the third egg. in the end the dough should be thick and shiny and when lifted it
should fall back into the bowl in a ribbon.

4) the dough should be still warm. once the dough is made you need to shape it immediately.

(usually long lines are the norm, but i decided to go with chubby balls. that’s because im daring.)

5) preheat your oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). divide the oven into thirds by
positioning the racks in the upper and lower half of the oven. line two baking sheets with
waxed or parchment paper.

2) fill a large pastry bag fitted with a 2/3 (2cm) plain tip nozzle with the warm cream puff dough.
pipe the dough onto the baking sheets in long, 4 to 41/2 inches (about 11 cm) chubby fingers.
leave about 2 inches (5 cm) space in between each dough strip to allow them room to puff.
the dough should give you enough to pipe 20-24 éclairs.

3) slide both the baking sheets into the oven and bake for 7 minutes. after the 7 minutes, slip the
handle of a wooden spoon into the door to keep in ajar. when the éclairs have been in the
oven for a total of 12 minutes, rotate the sheets top to bottom and front to back. continue
baking for a further 8 minutes or until the éclairs are puffed, golden and firm. the total baking
time should be approximately 20 minutes.

step 2: chocolate pastry cream

• 2 cups (500g) whole milk
• 4 large egg yolks
• 6 tbsp (75g) sugar
• 3 tablespoons cornstarch, sifted
• 7 oz (200g) bittersweet chocolate, preferably Velrhona Guanaja, melted
• 2½ tbsp (1¼ oz: 40g) unsalted butter, at room temperature

1) in a small saucepan, bring the milk to a boil.  in the meantime, combine the yolks, sugar and cornstarch together and whisk in a heavy‐bottomed saucepan.

2) once the milk has reached a boil, temper the yolks by whisking a couple spoonfuls of the hot milk into the yolk mixture. continue whisking and slowly pour the rest of the milk into the tempered yolk mixture.

3) strain the mixture back into the saucepan to remove any egg that may have scrambled.  place the pan over medium heat and whisk vigorously (without stop) until the mixture returns to a boil. keep whisking vigorously for 1 to 2 more minutes (still over medium heat). stir in the melted chocolate and then remove the pan from the heat.

4) scrape the pastry cream into a small bowl and set it in an ice‐water bath to stop the cooking process. make sure to continue stirring the mixture at this point so that it  remains smooth.

5) once the cream has reached a temperature of 140 f remove from the ice‐water bath and stir in the butter in three or four installments. return the cream to the ice‐water bath to continue cooling, stirring occasionally, until it has completely cooled. the cream is now ready to use or store in the fridge.

step 3: chocolate sauce
(makes 1½ cups or 525 g)

• 4½ oz (130 g) bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
• 1 cup (250 g) water
• ½ cup (125 g) crème fraîche, or heavy cream
• 1/3 cup (70 g) sugar

1) place all the ingredients into a heavy‐bottomed saucepan and bring to a boil, making sure to stir constantly.  then reduce the heat to low and continue stirring with a wooden spoon until the sauce thickens.

2) it may take 10‐15 minutes for the sauce to thicken, but you will know when it is done when it coats the back of your spoon.

step 4: chocolate glaze
(makes 1 cup or 300g)

• 1/3 cup (80g) heavy cream
• 3½ oz (100g) bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
• 4 tsp (20 g) unsalted butter, cut into 4 pieces, at room temperature
• 7 tbsp (110 g) Chocolate Sauce (recipe above), warm or at room temperature

1) in a small saucepan, bring the heavy cream to a boil. remove from the heat and slowly begin to add the chocolate, stirring with a wooden spoon or spatula.

2) stirring gently, stir in the butter, piece by piece followed by the chocolate sauce.

step 5: assembling the éclairs:

1) slice the éclairs horizontally, using a serrated knife and a gently sawing motion. set aside the
bottoms and place the tops on a rack over a piece of parchment paper.

2) the glaze should be barely warm to the touch (between 95 – 104 degrees F or 35 – 40
degrees C, as measured on an instant read thermometer). spread the glaze over the tops of
the éclairs using a metal icing spatula. allow the tops to set and in the meantime fill the
bottoms with the pastry cream.

3) pipe or spoon the pastry cream into the bottoms of the éclairs. make sure you fill the bottoms
with enough cream to mound above the pastry. place the glazed tops onto the pastry cream
and wriggle gently to settle them.

step 6: eat ‘em up!!

1) pass out to neighbors, then gab about fun neighborhood stuff/dramas, then reflect on how fun it is to take treats to the neighbors and gab.

you would think there would atleast be some bananas involved.

i just got over a terrifying presentation at work.  it probably wouldn’t be terrifying to any normal person, but for some reason i cannot handle performing in front of a crowd in any capacity.  (it was quite the trick that i survived 10 years of chorus performances.)  and now that i have checked myself over and determined that yes, indeed, my heart is still beating and i am not a puddle of goo on the floor, i realized what better way to utilize this high from public speaking survivalthan to post about one of my latest baking adventures?  thank all that is mighty that it is my lunch break,  (as i would never ever consider blogging while not on a lunch break.) as now i have the opportunity to regale you all with my tales.

so what we have here is monkey bread.  i was pretty confused as to why it is called monkey bread, because it doesn’t really have any monkey-like qualities.  it doesn’t have a tail.  it doesn’t swing from trees.  it isn’t particularly mischievous.  you would at least think there would be bananas involved.  but nope- it is pretty much just a bunch of blobs of dough rolled around in cinnamon sugar and squished into a cake pan.  melted butter on top.  sprinkled brown sugar. baked all together.  ooo shiver.  yum.  alright. we need to focus here. the point is that it is very un-monkey-like, and this concerns me.

i did some research so that i would be able to sleep easier at night.  according to wikipedia, it is also known as hungarian coffee cake and bubbleloaf, the latter of which i personally approve of.  this bread thingamajig seems much more bubbly, than monkey…ey.  other fun fact: it first appeared in american women’s magazines in the 1950’s. 

this particular recipe is so easy your average 12-year-old could make it.  literally.  this recipe is from my little brother’s 6th grade home-ec class, which actually also coincidentallywas the class my across-the-street neighbor growing up taught.  so this is her recipe.  and for the sake of keeping in theme with the rest of my nick/code names for my friends, we will call her mrs. r.  i wanted to make this recipe for two reasons: 1. mrs. r designed and embroidered a very pretty achy bakey themed apron at my mother’s bidding for my birthday, so i wanted to make something that i learned from her as a thanks, and 2. it was my birthday a week ago (hence the apron) and my former roommate made me his own version of monkey bread for my birthday last year, so it seemed appropriate.  the monkey bread was calling to me. or making whatever sound monkeys make to me.

first let’s ogle the cute apron design:

that would be a baking fairy havin’ a grand ole’ time in a measuring cup. love it. very country home and garden, which i like to pretend i am a part of.

now on to the monkey bread:

what you’ll need: 1 can buttermilk biscuits (she says 10 count can, but i could only find 8 count at the store), 1/4 cup granulated sugar, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/4 cup brown sugar, 3 tbls margarine/butter

the directions are written so cute and 6th gradery, i am going to reproduce it like she wrote it:

preheat- oven to 350 degrees f.

grease – a round cake pan.

(here i am a grease monkey. har har har.)

cut- biscuits into quarters. i cut them into 8ths to make it seem like i had more, since stop & shop refused to give me 2 more biscuits in my can.  i would probably cut them even smaller next time.

mix- granulated sugar and cinnamon in a medium sized mixing bowl.

(also, let’s ogle this seriously adorable polka-dotted mixing bowl! i love birthdays! i love m who gave it to me!)

toss- biscuit quarters (8ths) in cinnamon/sugar mixture a few at a time, coating them well.

put- coated biscuits in greased cake pan.

sprinkle- with brown sugar.

melt- margarine/butter in microwave.

pour- melted margarine/butter on top of biscuits.

bake- for 15-20 minutes.

let rest- 2/3 minutes before removing from pan.

the verdict: so yummy, and yet so dangerous.  i ate half of this before realizing that i had pretty much just eaten the equivalent of 4 buttermilk biscuits.. covered in sugar…  yikes.  but hey, it was for my birthday. so no judgements!

brownies so good they’ll make your friends puke.

i need to preface this entry with the following statement: i probably should not post this recipe.   for starters, a friend spit the brownie out in to the garbage.  more shockingly, this is a new, tentative friend.  who hawks a new, tentative friend’s brownie in to the garbage!?  this kid is lucky i find him oddly entertaining, or else i would have kicked him in the shins for disrespectin’.

usually, these brownies are great.  but this particular time… i might have gotten a little crazy.  when i am sad or upset, i bake.  specifically, i bake brownies.  even more specifically, i bake this particular vegan brownie recipe.  it is a little crumbly at times, a little sticky to the bottomy at others, and you generally have to use a spoon to dig it out… but when you are having a life crisis, these are mere trivialities.  all you want is a hunk of chocolatey bakedness in your mouth and stomach, and you want it that second.  who cares what utensils make that possible.

this particular evening i was overcome with the crazytown feelings.  i started chucking god-only-knows into my brownie mix bowl.  there was a lot of “hell, this might work.  if not, who cares!  i will fight those who care!!”  (although, apparently i didn’t! unless you count a flabbergasted mouth agape look of shock as fighting.) i found some almond extract.. i threw that in there.  i found some vegan chocolate chips… i threw those in there.  hell to the recipe.  i was free wheelin’ it.  i think it was at the almond extract that i went horribly awry.  oh well, whatever… i ate those brownies regardless.  no tossin’ my “brownies” for me.  (har har)  maybe the reason ntf (new tentative friend) threw his brownie out was because he tasted my sorrow?  the soul and sadness i poured into those brownies were just too much for him to bear.  wimp.

what you’ll need: 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, 2 cups white sugar, 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup water, 1 cup vegetable oil, 1 tsp vanilla extract

(now to make this extra crazy version: 1 tsp (uh.. i think… i was flailing a bit) almond extract, a bunch of chocolate chips (maybe half the bag?  more distraught dumping), a heap a pish-poshing and careless disregard for your kitchen counters/table)

1.  preheat oven to 350 degrees f.

2. in a large bowl, dump in some flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt… then stir it up.

careless dumpage.

heedless stirring.

3. pour in water, oil, and vanilla. mix until well-blended.

4. wail a bit about the state of affairs in your life.  now get crazy.

aha! the almond extract.  vessel of crazy, and beacon of puke.

dump some of that in there. 

5. now get even more crazy… throw in some chocolate chips.  (make sure they are vegan, this is a vegan recipe after all. we don’t want to get tooooo crazy.)

wail a bit about how if these chocolate chips were m&ms, they would not have melted in your hand just now.

6. spread evenly in a 9×13 baking pan.  more wailage… only have two 8×8 baking pans… this will have to suffice.

7. bake for 25-30 minutes until the top is no longer shiny.  let cool for at least 10  minutes before cutting into squares (or scooping with a spoon?).

they really are incredibly easy to bake.  just don’t put almond extract in there… bad decision on my part.  i’ve used mint extract before and it was really yummy.  i feel like i need other vegan brownie recipes though.  so, calling all vegan brownie recipes!  if you have a good one, please let me know!  i’ll try to reign in the crazy. promise.

do i have to be furry and blue to be a cookie monster?

after a mildly reprimanding email from a friend, i have decided it is necessary to come back from my non-posting hiatus.  but heck, it is rough, by which i mean hot as hell, to bake in an un-air conditioned apartment with poor ventilation in the summer.  also, i’ve become painfully aware that my pants seem to be shrinking as of late… damn you sugary delectables.  so i have been trying not to tempt myself too much by leaving delicious treats on my kitchen table.  i have zero will power.  so anywho, last night when i decided it was time to put my will power to the test (”hmm… maybe i can control myself this time…”), j and i discussed:

j: “don’t do it.”

me: “j, i gotta. the public needs me. i’m receiving emails. emails!”

j: “you evil temptress!”

me: “have no fear, i shall make them non-vegan.  eggs and butter galore.  that will keep you at bay.”

alright, i might have taken some creative liberties on the conversation… but i’m sure she wanted to call me an evil temptress.  maybe i just want to be called an evil temptress.  it sounds so.. um.. dangerous.. sexy?  did i go there on a baking blog? really?  so, aaaannyways, here we have it.  the anti-j cookie! aka: a basic chocolate chip cookie.  i know it isn’t particularly creative of me to go with this old standard, but really, do you understand how much effort it would have been to go to the grocery store?  sheesh people.  i’m one lazy girl.  luckily there is a plethora of half bags of chocolate chips floating around my cupboards, or else we would have a chocolate chipless cookie instead.  what would that be… a sugar cookie?  maybe.  that would have been sad.  i find sugar cookies to be a little sad on a whole.  they are just a bit… boooring.  not like chocolate chip cookies.  which have chocolate chips. and are thus not boring.

on to the cookie: the not boring chocolate chip cookie.  this is a recipe from my lovely dorie greenspan baking book.  i love this book. i love dorie. i love her cookie.

what you’ll need: 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon salt (1 and 1/4 if you really like salt. and boy do i really like salt!), 3/4 teaspoon baking soda, 2 sticks unsalted butter (room temp), 1 cup sugar, 2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar, 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract, 2 large eggs, 12 ounces bittersweet chocolate or 2 cups chocolate chips/chunks (or everything you have in the pantry if you are me. please note that we have duct taped the bags shut.  yeh, we are classy like that.)

1. center a rack in the oven and preheat to 375 degrees f. center rack before you preheat.  make fun all you want, but i can’t tell you how many times i’ve gone to stick stuff in and end up in a tizzy shouting, “gahhh blasted! thwarted by the 375 degree badly placed metal racks again!” so, after properly preparing yourself oven-wise… unlike me… line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. whisk together the flour, salt, and baking soda.

(i like how the lighting in the bottom left picture makes me look tan. hey, a girl can dream.)

3. with a mixer of some sort, beat the butter on medium speed for about 1 minute, until smooth.

but me… i am waaay too bad ass for a puny mixer.  it is all muscle here. i beat that butter into submission with nothing but a plastic spoon and brute strength!!

ha! it cried like a little butter baby!

4. now, once you are done getting your kicks beating up two innocent sticks of butter (i’m a monster), add the sugars and beat for another 2 minutes or so until it is well blended.

i love the look of packed brown sugar after it has splooted (actual word, look it up) into a bowl.

all mixed up and rarin’ to go.  at this point some wayward fingers began to attempt batter steals.  remember the grilling boys?  yeh, one of those frickin’ thieves came back for round two… cookie edition.  i whacked him away though.  fear not.  i was still feeling the butter beating madness.

5. beat in the vanilla.

6. add the eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes in.

huh.  looks kinda gross… but in a good way… does that make any sense?

real quick: a brief pause in your regular blog programming… we need to discuss this:

annabelle: the chicken of the month.  in case you can’t read the type, annabelle is an acrobat.  she jumps from platform to platform like a trapeze artist.  there is concern that she might run away and join the circus. this. is. hilarious.  ahh pete and gerry’s organic eggs, you guys crack me up.

ok where were we…

7. reduce mixer to low (or if you are bad ass, slow down your macho stirring) and add the dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each is just incorporated.

8. mix in the chocolate. you can also throw in a cup of finely chopped walnuts or pecans if you are feeling crazy.  nic doesn’t do nuts/they weren’t in my pantry, so i opted out.

9. spoon the dough by slightly rounded tablespoonfuls onto the baking sheets.  leave about 2 inches between each blob.

10. bake cookies one sheet at a time (10-12 minutes) and rotate the sheet midway through.  pull the sheet out and allow the cookies to rest for a minute.  then transfer to racks to cool at room temp.

11. repeat with remaining dough, cooling the baking sheets between batches.

yay cookies!

 

now you may think this was an accident/the result of my not putting the instructed 2 inches between each cookie blob.. but really, i just wanted my cookies to come out looking like a sorry reenactment of pangaea.

the verdict: fantastic chocolate chip cookie recipe. dorie knows her stuff.  i heart them, my coworkers heart them, if j was eating dairy, i bet she would heart them.

word around the water cooler:

“just what the doctor ordered. so good!”

“i totally needed them. perfect!”

man, i love compliments.

nutella ’stache anyone?

there is no dainty way to go about eating this one, short of freezing the bugger prior to consumption.  i dived in as soon as this came out of the oven and emerged with a nutella/chocolate moustache, nay, beard. i’ll admit it.  it was kind of cute… if you are in to the whole bearded lady thing.

that actually brings me to a not-so-brief segue that has absolutely nothing to do with baking (although i will nobly attempt to tie it in). i am a firm believer that everyone deserves to be loved…even bearded ladies.  when people look at a cute guy and say “oh wow, he’s attractive, but his girlfriend is not cute at all,” or vis versa, i think, why on earth can’t a cute person date a non-cute person without ridicule and judgement?  i mean, honestly, everyone deserves to be loved.  non-cute people should not be forced to only date non-cute people.  same goes for the cute people.  that being said, i was watching a tv program about the world’s strangest couples a couple of years ago.  the tallest man in the world was able to find his match with a quadriplegic dwarf, and my personal favorite, monkey girl, found love with the dashing alligator boy.  i guess that doesn’t really seem like appropriate examples for my whole “cute & non-cute unite” schpeal… except that alligator boy really was super cute… as long as you disregard the scales…  now for that noble attempt at bringing myself back to the true intent of this post, and more importantly, this blog: even if you eat the treat above and come out with a nutella beard, you will still be loved (or at least deserve to be).  the end.

alright, back to the baking.  i found this recipe on another food blog, and was immediately intrigued. chocolate, nutella, crumbles, and bars = all very good things.  i first became obsessed with nutella when i went to this french camp thingamajig in belgium after high school.  toast with nutella was pretty much my bread and butter… so my bread and nutella… hmm.. anyways… it was great.  it came in cute little packages, which is always a bonus. so basically, whenever there is something involving nutella, i am game. bc it’s great. honestly.  now, one of my many roommates had never (never!) tasted nutella.  mon dieu! mon coeur!  i needed to rectify this situation.  so for his birthday i baked him these chocolate hazelnut crumble bars.  it was also the day our new roommate from spain moved in, so i wanted to wow him/make him like me best right off the bat.

what you’ll need: 1/2 cup nutella, 3/4 cup chocolate chips, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup butter (softened), 3/4 cup brown sugar, 2 eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees f.  line an 8-inch square pan with wax paper long enough that it comes up across opposite sides.

2. melt the nutella and chocolate chips on a double boiler. then set aside to cool.

(i didn’t have a double boiler, so i made this make shift thing.  i pretty much just found a metal bowl and plopped it inside an appropriate sized pot, and voila!  it was a pain in the butt to remove and hold later, but we will call it a success nonetheless.)

3. in a small bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt.

 

4. in another bowl, beat butter with electric mixer until creamy. slowly add in sugar until smooth. add eggs one at a time then add vanilla. gradually add dry ingredients until well incorporated.

5. take 2/3 of the dough and press thinly onto bottom of the pan. pour in the chocolate/nutella mixture on top and spread evenly.  (be careful with your dough proportions. i ended up putting too much in the bottom and didn’t have enough to crumble on top.  also, the dough is not very sweet, so the unsweetness is much more apparent when biting into an inch think layer at the bottom…)

6. crumble the rest of the dough and sprinkle on top of the chocolate.  if the dough is a bit wet, add a little more flour to it.

7. bake for 20 minutes until golden brown on top. let cool for 10 minutes.

makes 16 bars. eat. enjoy. make people like you best. ”grow” a nutella ’stache.